New element discovered

With the initiation of the new Large Hadron Collider (LHC) yesterday in Switzerland, a new element has been discovered:

Governmentium (Gv).

Governmentium has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of two to six years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

Experiments have taken place using the latest in Confusion Reactor technology.  When Governmentium is catalysed with money, it becomes Administratium (Ad.), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

[Much thanks to Dr. Donald Simanek for his assistance on atomic structure of these elements.]